Back with a vengeance
I did a lot of soul searching yesterday and thought about what’s driving my whole weight loss programme. Part of the reason lies with the fact that I’ve been on the receiving end of fat jokes for more than a decade. I felt unwanted and always thought that I was a ‘lesser’ being just because I couldn’t fit in with my thin peers. My relatives mocked at me whenever I was around for the Chinese New Year dinner. I could feel them eyeing every single morsel I devour from the table and progressively, as I got older, they kept harping on the fact that I’m still single simply because no boy would want a fat girlfriend. They were wrong of course because, I did meet my first boyfriend when I was 17.
I knew he loved me as a person but he just couldn’t handle the fact that I weighed so much more than him. It was one of the reasons for all the arguments until I delivered an ultimatum: Love me as I am or we should just call it quits. We did, and consequently, he did try to get me back and we were in an on-off relationship till last Christmas when I decided to just end it for good. I am only 21 and I do believe I deserve better. If he couldn’t accept how I look, chances are, there are many faults that he couldn’t live with anyway. Still, it didn’t mean I was immune to all the horrible emotional onslaught that followed and as a matter of fact, my ego was shattered because the break-up further vindicated what the relatives have said all along.
Another incident came along which seriously devastated my self-esteem. Now, I know I may be fat but I’ve always been popular among friends because I’m the one with the sense of humor, the life of the party, or so they say. So once, I was at this party with my incredibly model-like girl friends, we’re having a great time when they bumped into their guy friends who happened to have other guy friends too. In accordance with normal social protocol, the guys take turns shaking hands with us and introducing themselves. But the last guy did something that completely threw me off-guard. As he went down the line, shaking hands with my awesome friends, he simply skipped me and was back to the dance-floor. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so insulted in my life.
And come to think of it, it’s been really unfair. I realize I could be really smart, funny, witty and be a damn good singer but it would not matter just because people could not see past my size and that really sucks. They couldn’t make it past the first layer to discover that I’ve got so much more to offer than those waif-like bimbos. It’s disheartening because if compared to the relatives, I could be the brain with the scholarship but it wouldn’t mean anything simply because I wasn’t thin and beautiful.
However, that was months ago and I’ve decided enough is enough. I’m now out with a vengeance to prove my detractors wrong.
Yes, I’m pretty much dangerous.
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Oh , man don’t get me started on this subject ! I have been overweight all my life just like you and people really were mean to me just like you . Speak of those eyes piercing you ,I felt it all over again reading your blog ! I love to sing and have even bee n told that I was really great but your right if your not paper thin no one takes you seriously ! Someday maybe ? So keep on going , and show them what your really made of (and it’s certainly not jelly ! ). Kimmi
And just look at your results! You are getting super strength from somewhere deep inside you. I agree with you, the outside is nothing compared to our inner gifts. What is wrong with people that they only judge by first appearance? I think you were correct about the boy friend. I thought the U.S. was the only place this happened! Keep it up, you great girl, you. Love, Marge
I cant believe your own family would be so cruel to you also. It is so sad that some people are so superficial but in a way youre lucky those kind of people wont have anything to do with you because they certainly arent nice mature people and who needs people like them?
I couldn’t imagine if my family wasn’t supportive. I know you can find the support here. You can do this and you can do it for you!!!! You are worth it. Men can be pigs and if they can’t see past someone’s size to see the true person then they aren’t worthy!!! Good luck!!!
you’re really gunna show them how beautiful you are both inside and out!
You go girl, I have felt the same way you have my whole life. It was a family nick name that got to me. I would tell them how tha name made me feel and they would say we are just playing with you. Well sorry I don’t think it is funny. But like you I am trying my best to get to a good healty weight. I just love this web site and all the support everyone here has offer so when I have had some negative people around me for a day I just come here for the support I need. I am very proud of you and keep it up don’t let those people get you down! :0)
