sunnydaydown

Hello buddies! I’m so sorry for not being active here for the longest time. I kept myself busy during the break by carolling with my a cappella group and also, have attempted to cook for a couple of weeks now. My culinary skills are slowly improving but there’s always more to be done.

So I celebrated my 22nd birthday a few days ago and my friends surprised me with a 2-piece bathing suit. I was apprehensive to try it on but did anyway and was pleasantly surprised by the results of my hard work.

Sure, there is plenty of room for improvement (note the love handles and chunky thighs)  but what really surprised me is how comfortable I’ve become at looking at my body in the mirror, even with the skimpy bathing suit. I don’t think I’ve felt that way in a long time.

Definitely not when I looked like this:

Recently, I’ve hit a plateau. So, will be trying extra hard to shake up my workout routine to shed the remaining 30 pounds or so. =)

How’s everyone doing?

My first ever, before and after shots.

Here’s me at 202 pounds. It’s taken some time in May 2007, I was at the Grand Canyon and it was awesome. Couldn’t say the same for my weight though.

And here’s the new me, after losing 41 pounds to become the 161 pounds that I am today.

Sorry for the bad resolution but I just thought that it’s time for a little update.

Thanks for the encouragement, I’ve since stopped stuffing myself silly. But the irritating thing is that I’ve been down with food poisoning since 2 days ago and it has thus, seriously affected my appetite. Couldn’t really eat much so I guess that’s a good thing anyway.

I did a lot of soul searching yesterday and thought about what’s driving my whole weight loss programme. Part of the reason lies with the fact that I’ve been on the receiving end of fat jokes for more than a decade. I felt unwanted and always thought that I was a ‘lesser’ being just because I couldn’t fit in with my thin peers. My relatives mocked at me whenever I was around for the Chinese New Year dinner. I could feel them eyeing every single morsel I devour from the table and progressively, as I got older, they kept harping on the fact that I’m still single simply because no boy would want a fat girlfriend. They were wrong of course because, I did meet my first boyfriend when I was 17.

I knew he loved me as a person but he just couldn’t handle the fact that I weighed so much more than him. It was one of the reasons for all the arguments until I delivered an ultimatum: Love me as I am or we should just call it quits. We did, and consequently, he did try to get me back and we were in an on-off relationship till last Christmas when I decided to just end it for good. I am only 21 and I do believe I deserve better. If he couldn’t accept how I look, chances are, there are many faults that he couldn’t live with anyway. Still, it didn’t mean I was immune to all the horrible emotional onslaught that followed and as a matter of fact, my ego was shattered because the break-up further vindicated what the relatives have said all along.

Another incident came along which seriously devastated my self-esteem. Now, I know I may be fat but I’ve always been popular among friends because I’m the one with the sense of humor, the life of the party, or so they say. So once, I was at this party with my incredibly model-like girl friends, we’re having a great time when they bumped into their guy friends who happened to have other  guy friends too. In accordance with normal social protocol, the guys take turns shaking hands with us and introducing themselves. But the last guy did something that completely threw me off-guard. As he went down the line, shaking hands with my awesome friends, he simply skipped me and was back to the dance-floor. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so insulted in my life.

And come to think of it, it’s been really unfair. I realize I could be really smart, funny, witty and be a damn good singer but it would not matter just because people could not see past my size and that really sucks. They couldn’t make it past the first layer to discover that I’ve got so much more to offer than those waif-like bimbos. It’s disheartening because if compared to the relatives, I could be the brain with the scholarship but it wouldn’t mean anything simply because I wasn’t thin and beautiful.

However, that was months ago and I’ve decided enough is enough. I’m now out with a vengeance to prove my detractors wrong.

Yes, I’m pretty much dangerous.

Since I’m a little more than 1/4 through my goal, I’d like to list down things I’d like to do once the glorious day arrives.

1. Weep tears of joy and head out to eat my first KFC in months.

2. Get a bikini, wear it to the beach and get a tan with my girlfriends. It’s a little pact my girls and I have made so I’m working hard to hit the beach and flaunt off my new figure.

3. SHOPPING in the non-plus sections! And I’d get the most outrageously sexy stuff out there and hit the clubs in town.

4. Well of course, since I’m gonna hit the clubs, I’m gonna shake my boootay like no one’s looking.

5. I’m seriously gonna take up Salsa-dancing. I’ve been way conscious about how I look and therefore, never had the guts to do it. But by then, it’s not gonna be a problem anymore.

6. Encourage my brother to get off the couch and start moving.

7.  Shock people/friends/foes whom I’ve not seen in years.

8. Get a new hairdo.

9. Head to the skin center to get my skin fixed.

10. Kick ass for every gig I’m singing in.

So here are some pics from the long overdue concert. Well, the first one was part of the mini presentation we gave for the freshman. Kinda impromptu really. The last 2 came from the recent gig which was pretty fun. I’m actually thrilled to see that my face is not as round as it used to be. *does a little dance*

The past few days had been ok. I’ve slipped a little in terms of my eating during the weekend but I always made sure that I’d work out extra hard the next day so I don’t exactly feel guilty for those little sinful pleasures. It’s really nice to receive compliments and I’d like to compliment myself when I see my shrinking tummy and disappearing back rolls in the mirror too. It’s very therapeutic.

In terms of my progress, I am to lose 5kg (11 pounds) per month and I’m doing pretty alright. I’ve still got one more week to lose that last 3 pounds and I’m really confident that it’d melt away soon. =) My parents are pretty impressed with my progress cos I’ve talked about losing weight all my life and all the previous attempts never lasted more than a week. They’re pretty skeptical initially but when they start to see how I seem to be losing more and more, they’ve been very supportive of my efforts. I’m now trying to get my brother to lose weight and he’s hinted that if I should reach my goal weight by next summer, he’d gladly take up the challenge. Strangely enough, I’ve even inspired friends from my a cappella group to adopt a healthier lifestyle.

Hope everyone’s doing great too!!!

And so, I don’t think I’ve been doing too well for the past few days. The late night rehearsals and practices, staying up late because I’m studying for tests and all those pesky presentations just effectively zapped my energy and I just couldn’t work out. Not to mention, the knee problem is back again and I’m just feeling irked with myself now. That, and I’ve been snapping at lots of people for the past few days. I’m morphing into a grouchy troll. Seriously. But oh well, good thing is, I’m staying on my diet and I didn’t binge or anything. The mini concert is tomorrow and after that, I’m sure everything would be back to normal. When I can eat healthy AND work out. And may I say, more intensively too. I still need to shed those pounds. The aim would be to lose 22 pounds by the end of September. It’s just 7 more to go! =)

Yesterday during my linguistics class, I overheard some boys sitting behind me passing rude comments about my weight. The old-me would have cried buckets when I got back home and turned to food for comfort. But you see, the old-me has given way to the new-me and the new-me is not gonna get affected by immature comments like those. Instead, I sniggered and thought to myself, “In a few months’ time, they’d be eating their words.” So anyway, it’s another 2 pounds loss and I’m frankly quite addicted to weighing myself daily, just to check on my progress. Little improvements like these really do keep me motivated every single day. Sometimes, though, I get hit with this irrational fear that the weighing scale may not be working right and is thus registering the wrong weight or something. Ouch.

As of the end of August, I’m proud to say I’ve lost a grand total of 11 pounds. It’s an amazing feeling and I couldn’t wait to see what September would bring. I think one of the reasons why my previous weight-loss attempts were such failures was because I was secretly trying to lose weight and none of my friends knew. Now, I deliberately let them in on my progress so that they’re aware of it and would constantly ask and motivate me with regards to my routine. In a sense, it’s not as easy to give up since they’re all concerned about my progress and would resort to strangling me should I want to give up. They’ve been such an encouraging bunch too!

And of course, all the buddies I’ve made here have given me a lot more confidence to do what I thought was impossible. For that, thank you very much!